Everyday we read, we write, and the words we process comprise a nearly endless combination of letters from our standard European alphabets. The characters sit and stand aside each other, at times snuggling up, at times at odds with each other, their shapes suggesting, to a wandering mind, almost real-life affinities and interactions. Imagine for an instant that in a mischievous and momentary lapse of reason we allowed these symbols to come to life. An alliterative tour of fancy through the shadowy brothel of our alphabets might well chance us a glimpse of such improbable delights as: The adulteress Mrs. a offering a bare behind to her boring husband Mr. b who'd rather come to the cunnilingual Mrs. c's concupiscent cunt whilst she herself devours a delirious Ms. d's delectable dainties. We might also catch sight of a fornicating f, busy at a fast, facile fuck with little Miss g, the girl next door, who gay in disposition and gleeful in nature gratuitously offers up her gingerly genitals to guy or gherkin, giddily groaning gees of delight as her glutonous G-spot gets goaded. Then there's the lewd, lascivious L luring innocent little i to an illicitly intimate session with its large lusty lap. Next to the incestuous little i, stands her big sister, the juvenile J, who'll drop her jeans at a moments' notice and lay naked as a jay bird, ready for the joys of any Joe's jollies. In a corner, the swinging couples b&q and p&d wine, dine and sixety-nine each other whilst the busty Ms. B bites beggingly the little tail of the quiet, quivering Q. Haughty but horny Mrs. H makes easy Sir E's erections but it's only with joyful J's famous fondling fellatio that ejaculation follows. Next in our little alphabetic Saturnalia we find the masochistic maidservant m who masturbates on all fours, exposing her behind to Mistress K's merciless whippings and malicious molestations. Far from flacid, f's fondling fingers prepare Miss c's cuddly cunt for climactic coitus with his complicitous cock. The sin perpetrated, he next snuggles up to slender, sleepy S for sweet sloppy seconds. The yummy, young Y spreads her legs open, yielding to the yearnings of tough Mr. T, whilst pubescent and promiscuous p prods and penetrates little queen q (for whom everyone queues up). Meanwhile, the ravenous R rapes and ravages the oral Mrs. O, roughly ramming his randy self into the rawness of her rosy romp. The wet and wild W whacks herself wantingly as do the lesbian u twins she reminds us of, who use each other unashamedly in their urgent and wanton unrestraint. Finally there's the vixen v, whose virginal vagina limits her thinly veiled vices to voyerism and fantasies of vesperal visits and violations by big brother F who fucks whatever he fancies. Of course, there are also the Europeans... The amorous Danish Æ hotly disputes Austrian Œ's orgasmic claims to the ecstatic Mr. E. In France, the sexy Ç (C-cedille) indulges in foot fetishes whilst the risqué é plays with an assortment of boring little hats (ê, è, ë). In Iceland, þ's (thorn) thirsting tongue bulges out of her mouth in lecherous apetite for the eager Ð (eth) who clearly likes it from behind. Of the angelic Swede Å little can be said, but the Norwegian Ø more than makes up for it, from behind bars where playing with jailbait J has landed him. Of course, one can only imagine what the ruling Ä and Ö do in their royal chambers. The notorious mustache on the Spanish ñ may be nasty but it's no cause for naughty cousin n to neglect his nocturnal needs. Sadly one doesn't see much of the German ß whose hissing and double D cup size makes her sinfully suited for some serious sodomy. ...and in the hustle and bustle of our imaginary bacchanalia, swarms of p's and q's wriggle their way up to their own big orgy with ovarian O. [12/16/98]