I watched her happiness from the distance of my melancholy oh les violons! she chattered gaily whilst I wept in silence a witness to the miracle of a mother’s love where did all the time go? that I never a family made that never even did I learn to love and that now in my visit’s winter I am offered this I’ll take what I can get all I have to do is follow her she leads towards light to the humanity I long forsook the capacity for sentiment that is the very factory of meaning! what makes it worthwhile the squandering of our élan vital burning of precious hours? to own a heart. a working heart and how much time? a billion heartbeats before this hapless xenitis^* finds a home domicile for my aches my longings, my nostalgia but a sweet home ’tis [ 7 III 2019 ]