someday I will feel well someday I will find happiness someday my injuries will heal whatever they may be someday the abyss will hold me again, in its uncaring bosom and I will recognise it as the place where I started, the place to which I always return the place where my end I shall meet the span of time lengthens the probabilities diminish that I can remain much longer that my world will survive and I think of my son and what he will face — a tear rolls down my face its saltiness burning my eyes it surprises me, that some form of feeling remains, under the ice there isn’t any choice it’s the nature of the beast how we’re built that we plan, connive device our own destruction that our dark little souls seek the great void we call god and this must reconcile with the future of our young — the Viking was ready to go the Valkyrie to embrace as am I ready for the Ragnarok that will never come for some great calamity I invented inside my head inherited from my parents that is developing before my very eyes but right now I still think that someday... someday [4 III 2021]